Here's her metaphor: Life is an ebb and flow of activity. We are sometimes inhaling and pulling close to home, pulling inward in our thoughts and actions. Then we gear up and begin to exhale, reaching out to others, volunteering and joining things, and accepting challenges. But this can only last for so long before you need to pull back and take a time of inhale. And repeat, for the rest of your life probably.
After election season, 1 1/2 years of extreme exhalation, we needed to seriously inhale before we fainted. We've been inhaling all winter long and it's been really therapeutic. I relished the relative quiet in our lives. But now I'm starting to think that maybe I should be doing more than I am. I'm a bit at odds with my philosophy of living life to its fullest. Within a single day I bounce between being totally and absolutely content and also feeling like something is missing and that it might be related to my lack of activity. (not that I'm physically inactive, but that I'm engaged in far fewer projects that has been my norm.)
I had a lot of conflict struggling with my next move related to my yoga classes that I teach. I happily ended my last session at the end of October and fully intended to get back to it after the election and the holidays. Then J.'s preschool asked me to offer classes there so I set my calendar for that instead of offering classes to the public like I had been. Unfortunately, those classes had shockingly low enrollment (even people who asked me to do it didn't sign up, which is very confusing, but whatever) so I said "sorry" to those that had signed up and cancelled the classes. It just wasn't worth my effort to hold classes without full enrollment.
Meanwhile, I was getting lots of inquiries from my website from strangers who were searching for yoga classes with their young children. I have a whole list of people who want to know when my next sessions will be and I told them all that I'd have to see how the preschool enrollment worked out and I'd let them know in February. And somehow, here it is February already!
I was conflicted:
Pros:
I like teaching yoga.
C. would be in my classes, which she enjoys.
It's a fun creative outlet.
I could keep my business going.
We could use the extra money.
Cons:
Teaching yoga to kids takes a lot of energy, which I'm short on.
Sometimes C. doesn't like to share my attention and having her in my classes without her sister to help distract her can sometimes be hard on my patience.
It takes a lot of planning time.
I'd have to move the heavy tables before and after each class, which is not something that I really want to do while pregnant.
Neutral Factors to Consider:
- I would want to take a break for my third trimester and my 6 weeks post-pardum anyhow so I would be taking a break from April-September. I expect to do a session in late Fall so I can do it with my own child, but I've never been in that situation before so maybe it would be too hard to be professional with an infant at the same time. Maybe I should do it while I still can.
- My certification and insurance expires at the end of the summer so I would want to teach as much as I could before I had to renew and also there's a remote possibility that I wouldn't renew.
- I don't like being a quitter but maybe this time is just naturally over. It was only 1 1/2 years long, so that seems pretty short, but it was awesome while it lasted. Also, taking a break does not need to be the end.
I spent all of January mulling over those lists. And then I finally made a plan, picked some dates, and emailed my friend at the class location to see if she approved of those dates before I advertised them. I sent her two emails and never heard back. That was 2 weeks ago. Since then I keep thinking, why don't I just call or stop by there? But I don't.
And that helped me decide. If I really wanted to do it, I would have been more aggressive. But I thought my life would be fine without it. I'm officially making up my mind about it right now- I'm not teaching yoga until the fall. Now it's late enough that it's nearly too late to hold it anyhow. I have a lot of people to email my regrets to and I need to reformat my website to say that. But I haven't even done any of that.
Why not? I had a test this week, have a test next week, am writing a grant for the preschool due next week, leading a committee and have a presentation for the Green School project in two weeks, and am trying to research and plan J.'s birthday party in 4 weeks (1 more week to plan before I need to decide and send out invitations!).
So maybe I am a little more active than I give myself credit for. But compared to last year, this is a vacation!
I am in an inhale, for sure. But I'm struggling between loving the inhale and wanting to exhale again. I guess the best description is that I'm 'waiting to exhale'.
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