I struggle with the same scenarios! I turn the other cheek and model for my kids to walk away from bad situations. But it's hard to know if your message is clear- when to walk away and when to stand your ground. And HOW to stand your ground!
Our world is crawling with confrontational people filled with a sense of entitlement, a short fuse, and a disrespectful attitude. I hate seeing people who should be on Jerry Springer. If my kids see someone going ghetto, I try to talk to my girls afterwards about what we just saw.
Jillian offers thoughts on what that lady could have done to 'just calm down'. And yesterday when she was so worked up over not getting her lunch the way she wanted, I put her into her room "until you are ready to talk about things reasonably." She came out after a minute and told me that she took 5 deep breathes and now we can talk about her lunch. Much better! We do a lot of relaxation techniques with my Itsy Bitsy Yoga classes and I feel that the girls and I are handling that well as a result. Sometimes they remind me what I need to do to cool off!
So I know I'm teaching how to turn the other cheek and deal with things that upset you. But it's still a mystery on how to appropriately encourage them to stand up for themselves. I don't want ghetto girls but I don't want doormat girls either! I hope I'm building their confidence and not stifling it.
My mom stood up for herself over and over again and I'm proud of her for that. I try to do the same. Maybe I'll teach my girls the meaning of "pick your battles" because that's really what I hope they learn.
On another note:
I joined a gym last week! It's the new fad, like Weight Watchers and Scrapbooking, which so many of my friends do but I never had the time or thought it was for me. Then I broke my arm and was sedentary for 2 weeks and thought I'd crawl right out of my skin. Plus I gained 5 pounds in 2 weeks. Plus I read an article that says that after 40, the average woman gains one pound per year for the rest of her life even if she makes no eating or lifestyle changes. That's just from the change in your body's metabolism and muscles and what not! Geez, I'm 32 now. I think I'm living healthy but maybe I'm not as doing as well I could do.
So I hassled my friends about their local gym memberships till I found someone who had the cheapest plan. She told me her strategy for negotiations and tips (like which location has the nicest manager for negotiating). I followed her advice and got a very reasonable plan- I can go to 5 different locations of Golds Gym, I pay $1 for sign-up fee (instead of $187), $25 per month (instead of $35), free childcare for two kids (instead of $10 per month extra), and the first month free for a two year contract. I'm happy with the contract and happy with the gym so far!
The kids like the Kids Club at the gym (the childcare) but they don't want me to be gone for long. The first time I got called out of my exercise class to get them bc C. was crying for over 10 min and J. wet her pants. The second time the kids told me that I have to take shorter classes (they're one hour) bc I was gone too long. The third time I got called out of class bc C. walked right out of her diaper and they don't touch the kids' diapers, no matter what. So it's not perfect but I'm determined to be happy about whatever workout time that I get and not lament the time I lose.
And one last thing:
Our lettuce is finally harvestable, we're eating sugar snap peas off the vines, the strawberry patch is still going, and the rest are growing according to plan. Hurray for fruits of labor!
So glad you posted about this! It's tough to know the best way to impart these lessons to our kids. I watched my own mother make mountains out of molehills on the one hand, and then on the other hand, allow others to walk all over her routinely. More commonly though, she would endure what she would perceive as disrespectful behavior for months or years, without uttering a word, and then---one day, she would simply explode. The offending parties never saw it coming. And at that point, the offending parties simply wrote her off as crazy.
ReplyDeleteI want the little guy to be able to have reasonable, level-headed interactions with others. When someone is treating him unfairly, I want him to stand up for himself, unless it is over something trivial, in which case I would love for him to be able to walk away and move on.
How much or how little I plan on intervening is still up in the air---I want him to try to figure these things out on his own if at all possible, but also support him when he needs the help.
Do you remember the time in 9th grade when I got jumped by a group of girls on school property? The girls got suspended (and so did Deborah, who jumped in to help me out). My mother was not supportive, and was always asking me what I had done to egg them on. I remember feeling like she was blaming me for the behavior, or that she was saying that I deserved it. I can't imagine for a second making Holden feel that way, unless he turns out to be the kind of kid who does actually provoke physical fights! (my worst nightmare).
Anyway, we can continue this conversation over crabs and beers at SMC in just a few short days! W00t! Glad the garden is going well!
I want to see some pics of this urban farm you have going on! Our growing season here in Colorado is so late compared to Maryland. As it snowed hard on May 12, I didn't even get my plants in the ground until May 22. So as I am waiting patiently, I would love to see pics of yours!
ReplyDeleteI just joined a gym last week too! I'm kind of excited about weight training even though it's not something I've ever been very interested in before.
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